"all my love for God and Jesus, and believing they love me and everyone around me. Mmhmm, I can just see how terrible I am. Me and my desire to take care of myself and those around me, and believing humankind should also try to help take care and be kind to each other"

It's not sufficient to just "love God", and loving God is no reason to believe that God loves you. If you violate God's Law, like Esau did, God HATES you, no matter how much you might "seek repentance with tears":

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